May I wax philosophical today?
Thanks for your permission.
It means so much.
Anyway...
My grandmother forwarded me back an email I had forwarded her several months ago.
(I realize that's a terrible sentence structure, but how else do you say it?!)
I had sent it on without fulling reading the email and then sent it to another folder with the intention of reading it "someday."
Obviously, I forgot about it until I got it back from her.
I'm glad she sent it back.
It was about some Boise, ID couples who had given their thoughts on what makes a long and healthy marriage.
I finally read it and, boy, am I glad I did!
It gave me some things to think about and some things I really, really wanted to say about marriage in general and my marriage in particular.
This last January we had our 7th Anniversary.
I'm not going to go on about how old I feel or how long we've been married (I mean really!), but I feel like this anniversary was a major milestone, somehow.
Yes, yes, it could be argued that every anniversary is a major milestone in today's society.
But I don't like to think like that.
I didn't marry thinking, "Well, if he gets boring, I'll just find another."
I married for life.
A little excerpt from the email:
The foundations for marriage and professing are much the same. You take a vow. You settle it in your heart and mind that this for the rest of your llfe. That carries you through any slumps you have to get through. Going back or getting out isn't ever a consideration. That guarantees stability but not necessarily happiness. I'd say appreciation is an important key to our happiness.
Some time ago at a convention, someone related a story about the 10 - cow wife. (It was a picture of what Jesus has done for his bride.) As I recall it, in an African tribe the customary gift for an ordinary woman- given to her father at the time of her marriage - was one cow. A man might give 2 cows for a woman with extra special qualities, and someone with a lot of status might command a little more. But one man gave an unheard of gift of ten cows. for just an ordinary woman. The rest of the tribe was appalled. They said she wasn't worth it - that he would never get his money's worth. Time proved they were wrong. The 10-cow wife, knowing she wasn't worth all that he had given for her, went out of her way to please the man who gave so much to have her that she lived up to his expectation, and he got what he paid for - a ten cow wife.
Our marriage didn't start out on the unequal footing that the above paragraph suggests, but it has appreciated in value as the years have gone by, and I believe my husband's frequent expressions of appreciation for me and for what I do have had a lot to do with that. All faults aside, appreciation boosts one 's sense of self-worth and makes the necessary give-and - take of any marriage easier.
I was thinking how a marriage starts with a physical love.
I don't mean that the way it sounds!
I mean, you love this person because of their sense of humor, handsome face, lovely features, lively mind, beautiful spirit, etc, etc, etc.
You might have an unending list of things that you love about this person.
Chances are, though, most of these traits are physical.
There should be a couple of spiritual ones thrown in there ('he/she loves God with all his/her heart') or how else could this relationship ever grow?
At least, that's how I feel ours started.
We married after just 6 months of dating.
No, we hadn't known each other "forever" before that, either.
But (and this is where I feel it has made all the difference in the world) we prayed about it.
We knew we had something special with each other.
We both knew there could be no other.
Prayer only confirmed that and so we felt there was no reason to wait any longer.
If we waited, one of us might have doubts and would end up irreparably hurting the other.
Just like the song, I thought we loved each other then and didn't think it could get any better.
But it did.
And it will.
Because now, just seven years later, the work, love, commitment, and appreciation of each other has grown into more.
Somewhere along the way physical love is added to a deeper, more mature spiritual love.
It is something that can only be experienced.
I could never put it into words.
What's even better, it will continue to grow.
Another excerpt:
You have given us all great 'homework'. We have been enjoying laughing and being serious (just like our marriage) doing our assessment.
We could have come up with scripture to fit everything needful in a marriage- everyone and everything. It's all there. However, marriage can be fun. It is a safety net in this world from which we can safely go out and help others. We have been so fortunate to have found each other and we never fail to tell each other that every day. Marriage is an ever-changing partnership. All our life together we each have done what we could and become a team. We now know what each other will think about a matter. We know that the greatest contribution we can make to our marriage is to be true to our God. We are journeying together, and as helpers, for our eternal goal. It is so nice to be traveling with someone you love.
We were married Nov. 11, 1941 More years - they seem so short. We see that as we grow older we're going to be facing more challenges and maybe alone. God help us to be brave in every situation.
The truth is a living way and the best marriage mirrors that. You cannot be lukewarm about the truth and you certainly need to be enthused about your marriage. Couples in the truth have a very big head start. We then have common goals. As we study the scriptures, we see the ideal - the bride and the bridegroom - the different aspects of the spiritual that is pleasing to God. So we know if the spiritual is not in control of the natural side of a marriage that you may have a good marriage but not the best. What we had in the beginning was love and that can grow if there is something to like about each other. As we love we begin to trust. We feel if there is one main word to define the best marriage it is trust. There are many forms of trust. Trust allows you to pen up a side often hidden-how you feel- enabling communication.
Don't have a false expectation of life. There will be misunderstandings and disagreements. In solving these, keep to the subject disagreed upon, don't get personal or bring up the past that has been hashed over before - that will only contribute to growing apart. There will be joy and sorrow. Be there for each other and caring.
Children are a great joy or a great sorrow (often at the same time). They will become your best friends as they grow older if you don't discourage them. Realize that time and health brings changes. This is natural as couples get older and we become best of companions. Remember you are creating memories in the first 25 years that you will be tapping into much latter; hopefully, they will be the best. We know they can be.
It would be so easy for me to blame him for leaving me alone for weeks on end and with no real clear idea of when he'll be back.
I can't though.
We both felt all our prayers led to this path as unconventional and scary and difficult as it is to take.
Plus that would be a disservice to the trust he has put into me as a willing and able partner as well as the mother and protector of his children.
In fact we had talked of the whole oil field thing before and totally rejected it as something we would never do.
Which then just confirmed it as something we would be doing.
We said we would never live with our parents (check and check), never live in a snowbank (check), never work for in-laws (check), never rent again (check), never live closer than 200 miles to either of our parents (check and please don't be offended, we just meant we wanted space!), and never ever would he work in the oilfields (check).
One of the guys Hubby drives with said, "Y'know some of these guys, they don't see their families often and, truth be told, their families are probably better off without them there. But you, it seems like your family would miss you very much."
Truer words have rarely been spoken.
There's so much more I could say.
In fact, I could go on and on as I am a complete romantic (Pride and Prejudice anyone??).
I'm by no means an expert, I just love, and am in love with, my husband and wish others to have the happiness and security I have.
However, I should probably stop here as this has gotten to be a really, really loooooooong post!
If you're still with me, I commend you!
Because I am a romantic, I would like to hear your thoughts.
What's your story?
What's your secret to happiness and life-long love?
What do you feel has made the difference in your marriage?
How have you felt God working in you marriage?
