We've done a lot that I haven't blogged. Some trips. Some projects. And, most specifically, the loss of a beloved pet. So I threw a few pictures together of the past couple of months.
We did some of this:
A bit of that:
Isn't she adorable??
A bit more of this:
A little bit of that:
Look at those beautiful blue eyes on a beautiful little girl!
The guys did a bit of this:
And the girls did a bit of that:
I had some projects that went a little like this:
And a little like that:
For this room (guest bedroom):
I had a couple of windows that looked like this:
And one ended up looking like this at one point:
My helpers looked like this:
I had a thing that looked like this:
And ended up looking like that:
The girls did this:
Warning: Do not attempt this at home.
And some of that:
These are trained professionals.
That's the last day
This guy felt good enough to come out and be by us.
Ten days later I found him in our garage already gone.
He had Cushing's Disease, which is basically a pituitary tumor or adrenal tumor. It can be treated, but not cured. We only figured it out late this last spring or early summer that that's what he had.
We had thought that we were just unable to keep up with worming him because of the copious amounts of mice he'd eat. Rather, it was tumors spreading to his mid-section. Unfortunately, we didn't have the means to take him to the vet. While waiting for some sort of savings to build up, the disease progressed rapidly over the summer.
Finally September and October rolled around and with them, an even faster regression of Gunner's health. We began to talk about euthanasia.
After that last day that he spent with us, he began to withdraw.
I think he knew his time was nearing.
He'd only come out to eat, but even then only if I called him.
He used to greet us and send us off as we came and went in our vehicles. Those last couple of weeks, he'd come out and check to see who it was, make his presence known, then disappear into the garage again.
The last few days, he quit doing even this.
I had finally come to terms with what I knew had to be done.
Then one morning I went to dump some scraps in his bowl of half eaten food.
Seeing that, I knew.
I already knew he was gone, but I banged on the cereal bowl and called his name to be sure. When he didn't come, I knew I had to do the hardest thing yet, I had to go check.
But I knew.
I knew he wasn't just weak and unable to come.
I knew he was gone.
With my girls watching through the screen door, I couldn't go back into the house right away. I had to let the worst of it out, so I went around the corner to Griz's pen and grieved. I grieved for my little dog I couldn't help. I grieved for the "first child" we had. I grieved.
When I could pull it together I went into the house, grabbed the phone, and locked myself in the bathroom. I knew I wasn't going to be able to tell Hubby Gunner was gone without more waterworks. Somehow Hubby got the gist of what I was trying to tell him.
Then I had to wait all day for Hubby to come home so we could bury Gunner.
The garage loomed large that day. Every time I went into the kitchen and looked out the window, it was all I could see. Every time I walked by the door to the laundry, it filled my vision. When I went upstairs, I was ever conscious of it just beyond sight outside my window.
Finally evening arrived and Hubby was home. I had washed Gunner's favorite blanket. Hubby took it and rolled the little dog up in it. We went out behind the barn and buried him with his favorite toy.
Dakota Gunslinger "Gunner" 5/6/05-10/27/11
The kids? Well Princess Cabbage is obviously too young to get anything more than Gunner isn't here any more. Princess Flower seems to know he's died and can't come back. We'd already had to talk to her about Daddy's Grampa dying and not coming back, so I think she was a little prepared from that. They say to let kids see your grief, but to not be hysterical in front of them, which is why I tried to let it all out first before coming inside and not letting them into the bathroom with me while I told Hubby. I told Flower I was sad and that was okay, because I loved Gunner and I was going to miss him. So she said she was sad, too, because she loved Gunner and would miss him. Whether these were her genuine feelings or she was just repeating me, it helped to know she wasn't going to overly hysterical/depressed/unaffected/whathaveyou. I think she got it, though, because for the rest of the day and for a couple of days afterward, she kept asking if I was sad.
That's been our last couple of months. Sorry if the last little bit got too heavy for you! However, writing is catharsis for me. I feel like I can let go now.
Anyway, hope y'all are having a good week, I promise to be back with a pregnancy post soon and, even sooner than that, we have some ginormous news to announce! (No, it's not twins! Or triplets! Or any other multiple! It doesn't have anything to do with baby except indirectly!)